roots and wings

A year ago today, in the early hours of the morning, I was packing up the last of my things, trying to get out tearful goodbye’s to the best of friends, and leaving CA for an unknown MI.  Along for the ride were my woefully drugged kitties and the most understanding and patient friend, Rachel.  Hot mess hardly does justice to the state I was in 365 days ago.  When we reached our destination I couldn’t imagine lasting the summer, let alone an entire year.  Forget 5 or 6 years.

So, here I am, a year into this left coast feminist’s adventure through Ph.D school in the midwest.  Certainly, there were times I (and my loved ones) weren’t so sure I would actually make it through.  The last six months, however, have been a pleasant surprise.  My courses, while by no means easy, seemed much more manageable.  A gaggle of our first year history nerd cohort came together, commemorating many a special occasion together (you know, St. Patrick’s Day, May Day, my birthday, Friday, etc.).  And my SI friends, whom I met upon first arriving here, continue to be a beautiful part of my life.  I even managed to enjoy the snow.

It is not perfect (what is), but it is about a bajillion times better than I could have imagined last June 14th.  I think being a bit older, having spent so many years building a life for myself in Sacramento, is  what really makes the transition to and acceptance of life here so difficult.  There’s a sense now of being torn between two places – really, it’s a matter of belonging to two spheres of friends.  The people at home in CA, and those here with whom I am creating a new home, foster and encourage different yet equally important parts of who I am.  Rather than bemoan my separation from Sactown, or stubbornly deny adjustment to A2, I am beginning to realize (better late than never) how fortunate I am to have such a wealth of friendship and opportunity in my life.  At least I’ve realized I can have roots and wings.  Let go and embrace it – I’m working on it.

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